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Friday, 02 January 2009

Marriage

So here we go once again it is the beginning of the year well the 2nd day of the year.. and we are already fighting again...i wonder about so many things ..I don't understand why he does not trust me I mean seriously we have been together for 1 year and like 9 months??!?!?!? When I say together I mean living and breathing together which some people don't like I absolutely love it!
Anyways marriage right? So we are to be married in fact i think of us as already married we live together we sleep together pay the bills together etc...
So my 1st bf has been trying to be my friend on fb and orkut.. of course I said no to all the requests because I simply don't like him and he was never really my friend he always wants to start shit up you know and i do not need anymore drama.
SO me and my fiance woke up for some reason we went into my facebook and were looking at pics from someone else wedding.. and then i had a msg asked him to check it and thats when he saw the msg from the x. and he sent in on x-mas and i never said anything because i was not about to be his friend or anything...
Ohh why ohh why did i even think that i am rational and right... my fiancée which now he claims that the wedding is off decided that i was hidding this from him!
All the msg said was its me.CAn you explain?
I left the house and bought coffee as a peace offering he would not have it. Keeps calling me a lier
LIer lier lier thats all i hear from his mouth...

Monday, 29 December 2008

Dear Diary,
Yes Dear Diary where can I even begin.... My best friend is a bitch not really peeps she is a huge bitch. And my stupid fiance will not let me vent on fb. Ohh no he thinks I am too much of a child. Well guess what life is not all pretty and pink and flowers. It fucking suck people are shitty and shady. SO if I want to fucking vent on fb i god damm fucking will!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 20 December 2008

i just masturbated next to my fiancee who was alseep....

Thursday, 18 December 2008

My fiancée does not even know that I have a blog.. its my own thing you see.. I want somewhere where if i want to feel like i might be making the wrong decision in marry him I will have no judgment... so don't judge me... I am not going to leave him especially when he is sleeping so peacefully. I wonder what he does that makes him tired.. you see he sleeps a lot i think its the weed.. but all the time really?
ANyways this was not suppose to be me ranting about his weed addictions and yes about how much this 34 year old man looks like a baby and is even pouting like one. As he holds on to the duck that he gave me, its a stuffed animal duck in case you were wondering.. he gets jealous of patinha all the time cause i love her and i sleep with her every night. He is my favorite baby
Out of all the bf i have had you know it feels like he is the one... he helped me through my finals i have been so calm and happy... It worries me when he calls me a housewife through and when he questions if i am responsible.. I am so fucking responsible... out of all my friends yeah i have learned and just because i have crazy friends doesn't mean that i am crazy!
But i have always been a little crazy and i thought that is why he feel in love with me... i guess my biggest question is if he is going to love me being me cause i feel like i have changed all that I can.. i cannot stop saying the things that i say and do the things that i do to appease him.. although i would suffer a great deal if he left.. i could not bare to pretend to be a different Marcela
Currently
I've Got You Under My Skin - Live
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The snow outside is absolutely the most beautiful thing ever!!!!!!
Let it snow let it snow~ if you want to continue reading my entry well the snow has covered it you might have to be a little bit sneakier and figure out a good way now if you've read this you feel just like me you are infatuated and obsessed with the snow and fell that is peaceful and yet mysterious.
I don't know why but frank Sinatra and I've got you under my skin has been playing in my head... i feel like i should be dancing.. i wish i was not at work but in my in my underwear with candles and my pretty boy dancing... he dances with me can you believe that?
dances with me out of nowhere anywhere he did it even at walmart! I k
Maybe i just have wedding anxiety but i only get married in 2010... but i believe in fairy tales i believe in happily ever after... stupid not!!!! helpless romantic!... yes indeed